DianaKids Worrying about their parents poverty
May 21st 2008 23:33
Yesterday my young french-horn student, normally cheerful and well-prepared for his lesson, was twitchy and clearly despondent.
I asked him what was wrong. He sighed. Said he hadn't been sleeping. Family problems.
Up goes my 'antennae'. Been here before.
I told him that he didn't have to tell me anything but he could if he wanted, but I told him that if it was anything which needed reporting I was duty bound to do so.
"oh no," he hastily assures me, "Nothing like that!"
But it turns out he is being kep awake at night worrying about his father.
Recently his dad hit another car from behind and wrote his own car off. With no insurance, the dad paid all the repair costs to the other guy, but now didn't have any money to replace his own vehicle. Now his father had a sore back from the accident, but also was forced to get up at 5am to catch public transport to get to his place of work, many suburbs away.
His son, my student, had abosorbed all this worry and hurt and was now sitting tensely in his music-lesson unable to produce a note.
We talked about it for a bit. I tried to come a with a few possible solutions for his dad but also wanted to convey that sad and unfair things like this happen but parents usually muddle through and it was not the kids job to worry about it.
This didn't cut much ice with my student, on the cusp of young adulthood, but eventually he relaxed and we got on and played some fun music and he seemed to enjoy himself.
But it does raise the issue in my mind: how much should we allow our kids to know about our very adult worries and concerns?
It is defintely not the first lesson I have spent time talking to kids about their parents problems, nor will it be the last I suspect.
I felt guilty myself cos only that morning at breakfast one of my kids reminded me of her need to have footy boots by Monday, prompting her sister to chime in with, she needed a new sports uniform and a school blazer and her shoes were too tight.
Tired from a late rehearsal the night before and stressed from running late for school myself, I snapped at them about money being an issue and they would have to wait. I then added that we had a few big bills and I started to say more..
But I saw my kids worried faces so I finished brightly, "But I'll be able to manage something, not to worry.."
Oh God, I thought, what am I saying to them?
We so need to protect them from our problems cos their young, still-forming minds need time to grown up before the mantle of resonsibility settles on them....
What do you think?
I asked him what was wrong. He sighed. Said he hadn't been sleeping. Family problems.
Up goes my 'antennae'. Been here before.
I told him that he didn't have to tell me anything but he could if he wanted, but I told him that if it was anything which needed reporting I was duty bound to do so.
"oh no," he hastily assures me, "Nothing like that!"
But it turns out he is being kep awake at night worrying about his father.
Recently his dad hit another car from behind and wrote his own car off. With no insurance, the dad paid all the repair costs to the other guy, but now didn't have any money to replace his own vehicle. Now his father had a sore back from the accident, but also was forced to get up at 5am to catch public transport to get to his place of work, many suburbs away.
His son, my student, had abosorbed all this worry and hurt and was now sitting tensely in his music-lesson unable to produce a note.
We talked about it for a bit. I tried to come a with a few possible solutions for his dad but also wanted to convey that sad and unfair things like this happen but parents usually muddle through and it was not the kids job to worry about it.
This didn't cut much ice with my student, on the cusp of young adulthood, but eventually he relaxed and we got on and played some fun music and he seemed to enjoy himself.
But it does raise the issue in my mind: how much should we allow our kids to know about our very adult worries and concerns?
It is defintely not the first lesson I have spent time talking to kids about their parents problems, nor will it be the last I suspect.
I felt guilty myself cos only that morning at breakfast one of my kids reminded me of her need to have footy boots by Monday, prompting her sister to chime in with, she needed a new sports uniform and a school blazer and her shoes were too tight.
Tired from a late rehearsal the night before and stressed from running late for school myself, I snapped at them about money being an issue and they would have to wait. I then added that we had a few big bills and I started to say more..
But I saw my kids worried faces so I finished brightly, "But I'll be able to manage something, not to worry.."
Oh God, I thought, what am I saying to them?
We so need to protect them from our problems cos their young, still-forming minds need time to grown up before the mantle of resonsibility settles on them....
What do you think?
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Comment by Hazel Castillo
Working Title
Cirrus Cloud
Parent Adventures
Kids are smart. If you don't tell them, they'll feel and deduce it themselves. If you assure them at least they won't worry...
I believe it's better they know... from experience. My parents kept from us every financial aspect of our family.. so now, my younger sisters still believe it's easy to buy stuff... when I know (being the eldest and having a family of my own already), they're already struggling. I sometimes wish I can hit my sister in the head for still not sharing in the household expenses.. but at the same time I can't blame her coz my parents always make it seem like we're doing great...
Comment by Diana
Eyes On Oz
Thanks for commenting!