DianaNo sex for twelve years...
May 18th 2008 02:31
A colleague took me out for coffee last week. A rare enough occasion for me to comment on it, cos at school most of the coffe is consumed in the staff-room where an excellent machine has been installed (well, you would expect Melb teachers to demand outstanding coffee along with their cushy pay-rises, no?)
No sooner had we started sipping than he started spilling. Not the liquid. The beans: spilling the beans about his life. That's ok, I had asked him how he was going, cos last year he took time off for stress leave.
But the conversation turned intimate very quickly when he revealed he had not had any sex for twelve years! Seperate bedrooms, problems with toddlers, dis-interested spouse: result as stated.
I was glad of my ultra-strong drink to give me the strength to respond to this and found myself suggesting a visit to the nearest reputable brothel might be a good idea.
This was greeted with a dereisive snort and an "I'll never resort to paying for it!" retort.
Later that night I attended one of my numerable rehearsals and during the tea-break (cammomile this time) a viola player confided his marriage was bleak and barren and his wife no longer slept with him. He also wanted to quit his job which was boring but kept going with everything for the sake of the kids, three teenagers.
Sympathetic nodding on my part but this time no suggestions on the brothel front (I still think it is a good idea, don't you?) though I recommended the safer path of 'counselling'.
It was only the following day, when I had to attend a book launch and 'fork lunch' that another luckless male cornered me near a cardboard cut-out of the author and regaled me with the sad story of his loneliness, depression and marriage break-down.
"You seem like a nice girl," he said, "do you have any single friends who might be willing to meet me?"
About this stage I wondered if someone had taped a sign on my back (bit like "please kick me" you would get in primary school) saying, "sympathetic listener: please spill all beans to".
As I drove home later I wondered tho at all the bewildered and sad males out there. Marriages dead. Wives apparently cold, lost the plot with sex, bored with their husbands, sick of their partners. Men lonely, lost and sad.
How did we get to this stage? Was it possible to ressurect things with couples who were out of sympathy with each other?
What is the answer to this sad state of affairs?
Men,I reckon, not that I like to generalise in this way, want affection, cuddles and enough sex to make them feel loved and secure. And nice hot meals, preferably steak.
Apart from this, more or less, is up to the individual. What is hard for wives to give their men those simple things?
Another time I will tell you what I think women want, but in a nutshell it is: a nice house, preferably the envy of their friends, a nice car, preferably the envy of their friends, nice kids, preferably the envy of their friends; a husband who is nice, has an income the envy of their friends, but ideally is away a lot so the woman can get together with her friends and provide social occasions the envy of her friends.
O, and unlimited money to spend on stuff. That about sums it up......
Opinionated aren't I? What are your thoughts?
No sooner had we started sipping than he started spilling. Not the liquid. The beans: spilling the beans about his life. That's ok, I had asked him how he was going, cos last year he took time off for stress leave.
But the conversation turned intimate very quickly when he revealed he had not had any sex for twelve years! Seperate bedrooms, problems with toddlers, dis-interested spouse: result as stated.
I was glad of my ultra-strong drink to give me the strength to respond to this and found myself suggesting a visit to the nearest reputable brothel might be a good idea.
This was greeted with a dereisive snort and an "I'll never resort to paying for it!" retort.
Later that night I attended one of my numerable rehearsals and during the tea-break (cammomile this time) a viola player confided his marriage was bleak and barren and his wife no longer slept with him. He also wanted to quit his job which was boring but kept going with everything for the sake of the kids, three teenagers.
Sympathetic nodding on my part but this time no suggestions on the brothel front (I still think it is a good idea, don't you?) though I recommended the safer path of 'counselling'.
It was only the following day, when I had to attend a book launch and 'fork lunch' that another luckless male cornered me near a cardboard cut-out of the author and regaled me with the sad story of his loneliness, depression and marriage break-down.
"You seem like a nice girl," he said, "do you have any single friends who might be willing to meet me?"
About this stage I wondered if someone had taped a sign on my back (bit like "please kick me" you would get in primary school) saying, "sympathetic listener: please spill all beans to".
As I drove home later I wondered tho at all the bewildered and sad males out there. Marriages dead. Wives apparently cold, lost the plot with sex, bored with their husbands, sick of their partners. Men lonely, lost and sad.
How did we get to this stage? Was it possible to ressurect things with couples who were out of sympathy with each other?
What is the answer to this sad state of affairs?
Men,I reckon, not that I like to generalise in this way, want affection, cuddles and enough sex to make them feel loved and secure. And nice hot meals, preferably steak.
Apart from this, more or less, is up to the individual. What is hard for wives to give their men those simple things?
Another time I will tell you what I think women want, but in a nutshell it is: a nice house, preferably the envy of their friends, a nice car, preferably the envy of their friends, nice kids, preferably the envy of their friends; a husband who is nice, has an income the envy of their friends, but ideally is away a lot so the woman can get together with her friends and provide social occasions the envy of her friends.
O, and unlimited money to spend on stuff. That about sums it up......
Opinionated aren't I? What are your thoughts?
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Comment by Patricia 7
Inside my Mind
Free Speech
Comment by Diana
Eyes On Oz
Comment by Mountain Fog
NONE AT ALL!!!
Why you ask?
Why would another male be so heartless towards his 'own kind' (I use that description loosely mind you!).
Because this little chartruese, tepid blooded male has not had sex since April 1993!!!!!!!!!!
As for paying for it...well...never been of that persuasion myself.
In fact, some of my 'closest friends' (really fair weather acquaintences) suggest I do as they have done, go to the Phillipines or other place, and pay for it!
They tell me there is plenty of extremely cheap hookers of all persuasions up there, fit and handsome, and ready to 'go for it', even if you are a middle aged, bloated, grotesque caucasion....as long as you have money, of course!!
The really sad thing is, you do not have to have very much money at all, to 'buy' someone for the day up there, and that thought really makes the whole thing so much worse in my mind..
Well, my conscience would never let me do such a thing! Those poor people, in Thailand and other places, sell their bodies because they have to, to survive in a country that hasn't social welfare, and lots of competition for jobs.
No, just could never bring myself to do that at all.
However, possibly, I might in Australia, because here people choose to do it because they want to, disregaring all the other benefits and opportunities available here, but not so in Asia.
But, no, I have not hired sex...I did give one once, a male hooker, as a present to a friend for his birthday, and guess what happened? They realized they had gone to school together years beforehand!
Small world...filled with so many small minds...
Anyway, should I win lotto, I'd hire a trainer, get fit, then go seek a partner, if that fails, I would consider hiring one, but he would have to make me his exclusive client, and pretend he was dating me....sigh...the chocolates, flowers...moon lit dinner dances in swanky harbourside restaurants...oh...better get a good dancing instructor first...hmmm..maybe a bit of delicate plastic surgery enlargement wouldn't go astray....sigh...to dream the impossible dream...
fog
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
Interesting post but I disagree with this bit:
Another time I will tell you what I think women want, but in a nutshell it is: a nice house, preferably the envy of their friends, a nice car, preferably the envy of their friends, nice kids, preferably the envy of their friends; a husband who is nice, has an income the envy of their friends, but ideally is away a lot so the woman can get together with her friends and provide social occasions the envy of her friends.
There are probably some woman out there that may think this way but of all my friends, acquaintances and neighbours I can't think of anyone I know that fits this idea at all. Not at all. You've based a lot of emphasis on envy...
Tracy
Comment by Ahmed
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Oh sure, says you
Comment by Diana
Eyes On Oz
I haven't actually done a poll, but there do seem to be a lot of men who haven't had sex for ages (my husband jokes: xmases and birthdays only).
As for the not wanting to pay for it bit: why wouldn't you? I can't see any reason why this would be a problem, maybe not in Asia but certainly in Australia. Kinda be fun doncha tink?
But that bit I threw in at the end about what women want, and Tracey says tis all based on envy. Mmm. Well, that was a bit flippant I admit. Being a bit tongue-in-cheek and stuff. But Tracey, there is still a grain, or more than a grain of truth, in what I say, especially where I reside. Tis interesting to observe.
But I realise I am generalising big -time. What about the poor pygmy women in Africa? I s'pose they could try to make their tiny huts the envy of their friends but a bit diff....
Byee...
Comment by Demeter
Then puberty cut in.
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by James Rickard
unlucky_ fishermen.com
Angling Fish
Check this out...
Comment by Roni Askey-Doran
Comment by Sara Dobson
My Turn
I thought I might add bit because one little line wound me up a bit which is
Apart from this, more or less, is up to the individual. What is hard for wives to give their men those simple things?
The thing is you have heard one side of the story from three men. You don't know what they put there wife through at home they may be ar*holes nobody knows what happens in another person relationship.
I have to say I agree with Patricia they want you. Using the old cliche me and my wife don't have sex any more we sleep in seperate rooms to get your symnpathy and probably start an affair.
I have heard that line from ment before and guess what within 3 months their wife is pregnant.
Gee they might as well say my wife doesn't understand me.
Comment by Cibbuano
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
While you met men who weren't satisfied, there are a lot of women that have husbands with low sex drives, as well. I think the advice works for both genders: sit them down, tell them, patiently and honestly, that you need to have a stronger sexual relationship. If your wife/husband isn't willing to meet these needs, then you will, regrettably, need to have an affair.
Comment by Louie
Climate Red
randomthoughts
Phil's Wellness Tips
I totally agree with this comment, my read of the situation is that you are obviously young and HOT, and these guys are trying to get the sympathy shag from you. I have worked with predominantly men all my career and i have seen this line used on many occasion as a way for an older married guy to get a younger hotter girl in bed, then justify an affair.,,,,,,,.....or maybe I am just getting way too cynical.
Anyhow good luck. entertaining post. thank you
Comment by Anonymous
What I did find more interesting was your comments on "what women want" and the few resulting retorts. Sad thing is really that women don't even know what they really want either because a lot of their behaviour happens automatically - without them thinking about it or knowing it. You have got part of the story right - generally speaking - but that does apply to the majority. Women are in constant competition with their acquiescences, friends and relatives. If their sister has a nicer dress or a better hair "do" than they do then guess what - they want the same or preferably a better one. If their sister, friend or work-mate has a nicer house then they want the same or better as well. It is part of their primal behaviour - to be "nesters". This is also obvious when seeking a suitable male partner. Ones that are not going to be able to provide the required standard of living (measured against those they currently respect/envy the most) will be cast aside like a old pair of shoes for "any" that would appear to be more suitable. Irrespective of their obviously fatal failings in the more relationship orientated areas.
Case in point - until they "grow-up" (which can be even after 40yrs) most women will head straight for the "bad boy" with the Porsche, leather jacket and violent tendencies. Totally useless for a stable long term relationship but she will be more than happy "show-up" her friends as she drives around in the Porsche, wears her nice new jewelery and hair "do". It will be a different story when she has to hide her battered and bruised face from her friends when she simply looked the "wrong way" at another guy.
Then there's the "princess" phenomena. Everything has to be just "perfect", the "best" and have the correct "label" on it. Otherwise it is not worthy of being used or worn by her majesty. We are bringing up a whole generation of these self proclaimed "princesses" where there are very few princes available or interested.
Comment by Irene
Grammar Matters
Cooking Monkey
Interrobang
Er, no. I think the keeping up with the Joneses/envy thing is not an exclusively female domain. Vanity is gender-neutral!
Comment by Diana
Eyes On Oz
Just to set the record straight by the way, I am so not young and hot, more like old and cold, but I do have a capacity to listen. Maybe when men start on about their lives it is more because I let them talk? And I am very comfortable in male company, having being brought up in a houseful of boys....
Comment by Roni Askey-Doran